Did it hurt?
by Joshayley4ever
Summary: I shook my head, tears flowing freely from my eyes. Josh walked over and wrapped his arms around me. I said nothing, just leaned into him and let it all out. "Believe." His sweet voice whispered in my ear.  Joshayley!


"So you're a believer then?" The white-coated doctor asked, reffering to the silver cross hanging on her necklace.

She instinctivly reached up to touch it, and she nodded. "I used to be." Her empty, hopeless eyes darted away from their fizex spot towards the window for the first time since her entrance, to his face. "But I gave up on him some time ago."

"You can't blame God for what's happened to you, Hayley." He chidded in a much dissapointed tone.

"Can I go now?"

~*~

Growing up, hospitals were my biggest fear. Ever since the time I was 5 years old, and I had to go in every single day to visit my mom with my dad; I hated them. I didn't get to know my mom very well before the hospital, because when I was 3 years old she developed Cancer. I only remember our daily sometimes over Night visits. I hated everything about them at that time, though if I had known those would be my last moments with my mom. I should have cherished them, not of complained. I hated the machines, the needles, the cafeterias food. But most of all I hated the feeling of hopelessness you got just from walking in the door.

Even after my mother died, I still had to visit the hospital very often. Like for the time I was 8 and my foot slipped while climbing the old apple tree down in Mr. Valletos orchard. I fell all the way down to the ground and ended up breaking a leg, and needing 10 stitches in my arm. Or when I was twelve and flipped my dirtbike. I dont remember much of that accident, probably because I was out cold for the most part. From what I was told, after the wreck my brothers, who had been right there watching, had ran over to make sure I was okay. But when they saw I was unconsious, they hurried me away to the hospital. I had severe whiplash which caused me to need to wear a neckbrace for 7 weeks, and I suffered from extreme memory loss. It took me the longest time, but with the help of friends and family, I was able to regain most of my memories back.

Nothing compares to the reason that I'm here now though. My dad checked me in a few months ago, because I felt extremely sick for weeks. He had done it though, not because he was concerned, but so the hospital would take care of me because he was too "busy".

Ever since my mom died, my dad had changed a lot. He took up his favorite old time habit again; drinking. Which became more and more frequent. Sometimes he'd have random flings with many different women. All of which were nothing like my mother. My mother she was kind, she was beautiful, smart, motivated. These women were rude and obnoxious, and their brains could've been more then the size of a peanut. He obviously didnt care how ditzy they were. The only thing he payed attention to was their long, bleached hair or their large chest sizes. Suddenly I didnt know my own father.

So anyway they diagnosed me with lung cancer. Apparently it ran deep in the roots of my mothers family. Her great Aunt Helen died from it back in 1953, Grandma Sue passed in 1978 from it, and many others. So here I was in 2006, barely sixteen and about to be another victim of the diesease. Fantastic.

"Care to join me for a walk?" His voice asked quietly, breaking me away from my thoughts. He was one of the few friends I had made in this place. Josh Farro was diagnosed with the same type of cancer as I was last year, and once his parents heard news, they up and left. Ditched town. Why? No one knows.

"Yeah 'cause the pale white walls are so scenic, and the smell of sick people is so inviting." I muttered sarcasticly, but stood up anyway.

He chucked, "Whats wrong? You seem more annoyed then usual."

I shook my head as we started walking side by side. "Its just I had another session with my counsuler today, and it didnt end well."

"What happened?" Josh asked.

I looked down and shook my head no. Josh knew my well enough to know that if I didnt want to talk about my sessions, I wouldnt change my mind. He didnt push it and I was glad.

"My treatment seems to be going well." He mentioned, changing the subject, "They say I might be able to leave soon, once I'm all better."

"Where will you go?" I asked, even though I was afraid bringing it up would remind him of his parents.

"Well my cousin DJ down in Georgia says he always has avalible space, so I was thinking of staying there until I'm able to live on my own."

"That's great, Josh." I smiled. At least one of us wouldn't be damned here for life. But I knew I would miss him a lot when he left.

"Yea." He smiled back, pulling my into a bear hug, "Look I hate to cut our walk short, but I almost forgot I promised Zane a rematch football game down in the courtyard. But meet me in my room, say around 7, okay?" I nodded and walked back to my room.

Thats where I now spent most of my time. In my room. When dinner, lunch or breakfast time came around, I never joined others down in the caf. I hardly touched any food. But the nurses would bring me a plate, encouraging to eat some. Most of the time I only did it to make them happy.  
Stange to think that just 3 months ago I was a normal teenager. I had friends over, stayed up late, ate a bunch of junkfood, and in the summer I was always outside, soaking up the sunshine. What a difference such a short time can make.

Growing up I had also been super religious. By choice, of course. God was the one person I could I always count on. My mother used to bring me along with her to church every sunday evening for mass. But after she died, I stopped going more and more frequently until I just stopped attending all together. My dad had never been big on church. Hell, he had never been big on anything that involved spending his time on my mother and I. I was intended on keeping my faith though, so I still had a few religious keypoints in my life after that. Like the purple leather-covered bible my mom had given me. It was practically an antique; passed down generation after generation in her family. I also had a part in my schools Christian club, and we met after school every Thursday. It seemed like such a waste to me, though. All we did was talk about helping the communite, or make friendship bracelets. Of course, those weren't horrible things, but thats not what I signed up for. And then their was my silver cross necklace that I never went without; a birthday gift from my great Grandma. Eventually I gave up on going to the club, and stopped praying after I was diagnosed. After all, surely if he did exist he wouldn't allow me to die so young?

"You're not going to die, Hayles." Came Joshs voice from behind me.

I turned around from my spot on the bed to see him standing in my doorway, looking angry? Opps. I guess I must've been talking to myself aloud again.

"I hate to sound like such a pessimist, but look around, Josh!" I gestured around my hosptal room and held up my arm which a large needle was attached to with a tube running to 5 different machines, all of which keeping me alive. "I kind of am."

"Don't you dare give me that shit, Hayley!" Josh said in a stern, pain-filled voice, "You _love_ to be so pessimistic over everything. In fact thats been your only attitude this whole time. One thing goes wrong, and suddenly you think its the end of the world. Only its not. There's hope, Hayles. Always."

"No." I snapped.

"Yes! There really is. Hell a month ago I wouldn't believe me either. I thought for sure I was a goner. I felt exactly like you do, but in no time I'll finally be free from this..this cure, or whatever you wanna call it. Free, Hayley! Can you believe it? Surely if thats not a miracle I dont know what is. And it can happen to you too! You'll get out of here, go on to get married. Have that huge family you always tell me you want, perfect husband, horses, and the white picket fence. All that good stuff!"

I shook my head, tears flowing freely from my eyes. Josh walked over and wrapped his arms around me. I said nothing, just leaned into him and let it all out.

"Believe." His sweet voice whispered in my ear.

I smiled and stepped back. "Do you know how lost I'm gonna be without you here?"

I wiped my eyes with the back of my sleeve. Josh chuckled, and I figured I probably looked like a racoon with my eyeliner smudged around my eyes from the crying and all. I let out a laugh too.

"Excuse me for just a minute?"

"Sure, Sure." He replied, plopping down on my bed.

Quickly I grabbed some fresh clothes and stepped into my bathroom. I changed into my clothes, which were just some plain pink sweats and a black baby tee. I wiped all the now runny makeup from my face and threw my hair, or what was left, into a messy bun.

"Um Josh?" I said when I came out to find my once Josh-filled bed empty. Just then I heard a few footsteps and a pair of hands covered my eyes from behind. Quickly before I could work up a loud scream, my intruder whispered in my ear.

"Shhh. It's just me." Josh whispered and I could tell this whole thing amused him. The smirk was clear in his voice.

I took a few deep breathes to help myself, as my pulse was pounding so hard throughout my body. I was sure my heart would pound right out of my chest at any second. "Okay." I replied once I was calm enough, "What exactly are you trying to do to me Joshua? Kiddnapping is still a serious offense, is it not?"

"Hayles, come on." He pleaded. "I promise this will be your favoritist kiddnapping ever. You'll see."

I laughed quietly to myself and allowed Josh to lead me out of my room, down a few hallways, and down an elevator. It felt like we'd never stop moving, until we were outside in the Brisk August night.

Before I got a chance to ask why in the hell he would drag me outside at this time, I saw "it". Layed out in the grass before us was a red and white checkered blanket and decorationing it were a couple paper plates, and various bowls filled with; sandwhiches, grapes, watermelon, salad, and just about anything you could ever want for a picnic. In the center of everything was a glass vase filled partly with water, multi colored flowers filling it. The whole arrangment was handsdown the cutest thing I'd ever seen.

I looked back to Josh, who had both hands in his pockets and looked somewhat nervous.

"I had to fix it pretty quickly. I , er, hope you don't mind." His left hand now reaching up to scratch the back of his neck.

"You did all of this while I was in the bathroom?" I gasped.

"Yeah." He laughed, "You were really down earlier, and I wanted to do something to cheer you up."

I grinned, "Aww. Josh this is so sweet of you. Your truly amazing, you know that?"

"Hayles, I also did this because I sorta wanted to impress you. And I wanted to ask you something. I've wanted to ask you for a while, but I guess now that I'm leaving soon its either now or never." He sighed.

"Well?" I smiled.

Just as he was about to tell me, it started raining. Correction; it started pouring. The sprinklers were automatic and usually went off every night around eight. I looked at Josh who looked embarrassed. He probably forgot, and now our whole "picnic" was ruined.

"Hey. Its okay. We'll still have fun" I said, grabbing his hand, "Dance with me?"

He chuckled, and joined me. Together we spun in circles, laughing out heads off, and I felt more and more lightheaded. I collapsed into the grass once I became to dizzy to stand, and so did he.

"Hayley, will you be my girlfriend?" Josh asked randomly, still laughing. I almost took it as a spur of the moment joke. "Its what I wanted to ask you before we were so rudely interrupted."

I leaned over to sweetly kiss him, "I'd love to be your girlfriend, boyfriend."

*~*

_**I've been waiting my whole life  
for a someone like you to go  
and pick me up me up  
and take away my blues  
its been one hell of a year  
in my own shoes.**_

Did it hurt?  
When you fell from Heaven  
Did it hurt?  
Just to know; I was right here  
a waitin' 


End file.
